I will keep this short and straight. I wasn’t looking forward to an article before the end of the year but my friend DBA reached out and asked if she could do a piece,. Of course I said yes! It’s not everyday you get into D’s head. I am proud of you for penning this and I would personally like to tell you I’m here for you. I will always listen.
She lay under him, trying desperately to get as much air into her lungs but half his weight was on her abdomen. Her breath now quickened. She tried to sit up but something stopped her. It was his gaze. There was something oddly familiar about the way he was looking at her. She was finally seeing the real him and a smile played on her lips. She remembered all the good times she had enjoyed. She remembered dating after such a long time. She remembered how he made her feel. She belonged, she felt wanted and for once she found a man who reciprocated her love by the bucket loads. The 193 miles between them when they were both at school never even made a difference because when he wasn’t calling her, she was texting him.
He always distracted her whenever she was researching in the library and she always made him get late for his lectures due to her incessant video calls. That one week she decided to visit him was probably the best moment of her life. Doing nothing but eat, talk and lie in bed all day. If they remotely got bored, the just cooked, talked and slept some more. Orion was not her first but in reality Orion was her first. He made her feel things she had only read about in those magazines her mother usually stashed deep in her bookcase. She used to giggle whenever she read them but when she was with Orion there was no laughing involved. Cosette showed him passion and Orion responded by giving himself to her, which was weird because he was a guy but then again he was no regular guy.
She was brought back to reality when one of his sweat drops landed on her forehead. His gaze hadn’t moved at all. She moved again to try and taste those soft lips just one last time but the hard object between their bodies stopped her dead in her tracks. The fluid between them now had a musky smell and this sort of horrified her. As if on cue this brought back all those tough times in the relationship. Suddenly they were talking less and she was going out more. They seemed to be more of competitors and less of the teammates working towards a common goal. Their phone calls could not last 10 minutes and even then they were punctuated by long periods of silence and drab words like ‘Sema? Umekula? and Unafanya?’ She was getting bored by all this in all honesty and for once in her life she questioned whether she was going against fate.
Fate, such a weird word right? Like it was crazy that your decisions and thoughts were being influenced by someone else. Supreme was always the word used. Cosette was never the religious type. She was the standard Christian; Church every Sunday, Church Camps when she was in her teens and regular Christian meetings dotted her annual calendar. But this once she went on her knees and prayed for the Supreme Being to sort of show himself. She left church feeling very weird. Did he really get it? How would she know HE responded? It’s not like she would receive a snap or a DM titled “The answer to your relationship problems”.
But the night she went through Orion’s phone, she knew. It was at that point that she felt her snap or DM had arrived. In a way she was not that surprised but the fact that he had actually been with other people while she was there trying to salvage the relationship was a smack dead in the face. She could not believe that this was the man who looked him in the eye and said the words “I love you” numerous times without blinking. At that point she knew this had to end but Cosette being Cosette she still waited until he cleared up his issues with his dad; people’s problems always seemed bigger than hers. She was broken when they finally got separated. Her safe haven was wrecked and the only constant in her life that year was no more. Her Universe suddenly turned into a vortex that was back to sucking all the happiness in her life. But life had to go on. He begged her to get back but she could not go back to what the Supreme Being had essentially said no to. Even her usually happy go lucky soul was on the old man’s side this once.
Her usual therapy was not working. She wanted to cry but nothing was forthcoming. Now she wanted to die, she wanted to end it. But her stupid friends would never leave her alone and encouraged her to talk it out. Whenever she was asked she always said she was fine. But what is fine really? When she laughed during the day but cried at night. Told close friends and family that she loved them but come nighttime she wanted to take herself away as if she was not important to them.
Footsteps were now approaching. He realized this and quickly withdrew the knife from her belly and whisked away almost gracefully into the hazy night. She watched him walk away and tried to memorize as much of him as possible just in case she ever wanted how pain looked like or walked. The footsteps were now at her side and the figure crouched down beside her. “Are you OK?” He asked in the most hopeful voice she had ever heard. “Who are you?” she manged to whisper, her head now picking up roller-coaster speed. “My name is 2018. We should really get you to a doctor.” He was now concerned and for once in 12 months, Cosette felt safe. “Please be gentle” she muttered as the last rays of the light faded away.