These Guys

They come with different names, shapes and sizes; The Crew, The Clique, The Squad, The Guys, The Girls and what have you. But their work is almost universal; to advise you on any and every decision you are to make in your life. Their position in your life is almost akin to the President’s Cabinet.

Their line of work is also not defined and they are the Jack of all trades. They will advise you on how to reply to that 6:30 am “Hey” text received from your crush to what you are supposed to wear so that that dude in class can notice you.

At this point I should probably state that I have nothing against this group of people. The making an accomodative person starts with their ability to entertain others. This encompasses, among others, the taking of other’s views. After all, its free advise! And you know what they say about Humans and free things. I have been granted the opportunity to be on both sides of the divide; the giver and the taker of this advice. And its for this reason that I think their need is overstated.

Take for example receiving texting advice. There are various things to accomplish before you join the text-battalion. For one, you are required to have a substantial(or unlimited, depending on where you come from) amount of internet bundles. This is because your job has no timeline. You can be called upon at any time. I remember one time I was woken up by a 2;30 am phone call by my friend. As i am aware of his nocturnal activities, i feared he had landed in some mess. “weh bana! how come you’re not online? Ive left you like 8 messages!” dude, seriously? 2;30am? Am I God to be alert 24 hours? So i heed his call and go online. only to find seven screenshots of a message and a text of how he’s supposed to reply. That ladies and gentlemen, is why I switch off my phone nowadays between midnight and 7 a.m.

I fail to understand the logic of entrusting your own thinking to a group of other people. Ideally, its supposed to be a conversation between two people but in reality, its two groups trying to outwit each other. From the guy’s perspective you are simply hitting on a group of women and if you succeed to convince her(them), then all the credit goes to you! You suddenly acquire various adjectives that outline your sweet nature, tsk.

As a member of the battalion, you are also required to be selfless. If you don’t get first dibs, you are just expected to stand on the sidelines and watch what’s happening. Your only mission will be to make sure your bud stays on course. Whatever happened to the fiery spirit of competition? You also cannot establish a parallel communication with a member of her crew, lest they think your boys are into group hookups. You will suddenly be branded “Weird” and blocked from all the social networking sites under the heavens.

From the female point of view, I don’t understand how your friends will encourage you to be hard headed to a guy yet they haven’t met him. They could tell his face from a thousand mug shots because of all the pics he Apps you. They could tell his voice from a crowd because of all the loudspeaker calls they are usually a part of, but the real question is do they KNOW him? Do they know how  your mind wanders whenever you two are not talking? Do they know how hard he makes you laugh you have to cover your mouth? Do they know how much he makes you blush you can’t even stand to look at him? Do they know how much you squirm when he deepens his voice to tease you? Do they know how special he makes you feel you wonder what you did to deserve him? In spite of all this, they will still tell you to reject his date proposal. “Hey hun,how’s your Saturday looking?” He asks. “I’m not so sure babe. Lemme ask THESE GUYS first.” She responds. There’s the 70% chance Saturday will be busy if that answer is what you get. You throw me that, that’s it. Kaput. We’re done.

But I also don’t dispute the fact that they may be important in your life. They easily take the position of the by stander. You’re too clingy? Pull away my nigga. She’s acting up? Walk away my brother. But where does the middle line draw itself? Hmmm that would make a good dissertation question. Don’t you think?


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